As I dropped off my fellow missionary at his house he was surprised that their pickup truck was not in the driveway. Perhaps Eunice just needed something from the store. When I arrived home a few minutes later the phone was ringing. It was Ed. Could I return to his house? It was urgent.

When I arrived he jumped in the truck and asked if I would take him to the airport as quickly as possible. Eunice had left a note saying she was leaving him and flying back home with the kids. Just then she drove up and he raced over to the truck. I helped get the suitcases into the house. As I was leaving he explained that she had not known about the new exit permit needed for international flights and was not allowed to board a plane without that declaration of assets and how much cash was being carried out of the country and why. It had to be obtained 15 days before the flight to give the government time to check the validity of the claims.

Ed was shocked she would even think of leaving. He thought everything was fine. Later when I told Norma what had happened and how surprised I was that Eunice would do that since they seemed to have a good marriage. “No surprise,” she replied, “if it hadn’t been for the hassle of an exit permit, passport renewal, visa, etc. I would have left long ago myself.” Now I was the one in shock. What was wrong? How can this be? What should I do?

Do you think you have a good marriage? Many men whose wife left them were shocked because they thought they had a good marriage. Here are some things from Ephesians 5:25-33 that I had to do to keep from losing my wife.

“Husbands love your wives.”

But I thought I did. Then I remembered my years in college when it was common for the guys to get together the night before a big exam and spend the night cramming. The next day after the exam they would celebrate their success and promptly forget it all since the goal was accomplished—they had passed the test.

Men also tend to love their fiancé fervently until the day of marriage and then forget everything they knew because they passed the test, got the prize, so what’s next on the agenda? Most men did know how to love, but erased the information as no longer important. The honeymoon is over.
I’ve got news for you! Everything you did to win her is necessary to keep her or you will lose her. We are to love our wife--as Christ loved the church. How was that?

He gave Himself for her.
This means to set aside your own comforts and conveniences to meet her needs. Jesus did not treat you nicely to get you to trust Him and then neglect you once He had won you. He keeps on showing you the same tender loving care as the day you met. Philippians 1:6 says that He who began the good work in us will continue it until Jesus comes or we go to meet Him.

Jesus does not ignore or neglect us by pursuing other interests now. Men tend to become alcoholics, sportsaholics, or workaholics. I did not drink, nor follow sports, but I let my job kill our marriage. Of course I had a special excuse because I was doing God’s work. My life was filled with evangelistic campaigns, revival prayer meetings, starting churches, training pastors, plus one more thing I was doing--neglecting my wife.

Occasionally she would try to get my attention, but I would break away, thinking, that just then I was busy or preoccupied. What I failed to recognize was that I was almost always busy or preoccupied and to her I was communicating that she was unimportant and unnecessary. She died emotionally from neglect, for love is the food that keeps our emotions alive.

Jesus also shows his love for His church as he sanctifies and cleanses her by means of the Scriptures. Christ is present in the person of the Holy Spirit teaching His church and the husband must lead a daily time in the Word of God with his wife and be the spiritual leader of the home. This daily time in the word together serves to keep her cleansed from bitterness, discouragement, etc. that she might be without spot or blemish in her spirit. Satan will use her weaknesses to turn her heart away from you if you don’t daily strengthen her through the Word.

The husband is to love his wife as he loves his own body. He is to nourish her, helping her spiritual growth through sharing spiritual food with her and help her emotional growth by sharing himself with her. He is to cherish her as a very special treasure, for her price is far above rubies (Proverbs 31:10). He is to rejoice with her and be ravished always with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19). She is to be the desire of his eyes (Ezekiel 14:16) and no other woman attracts his attention.

Jokes about marriage or about women do not give the impression that you cherish your wife. I said to one man, “What you said really must hurt your wife.” “No,” he replied, “She knows I am only kidding. She doesn’t mind. You have to have some fun, you know.” She must have minded it more than he thought, for she left him.

There are several newspaper comic strips that are abominable in their treatment of women and marriage. Proverbs 31:28 tells us that instead of degrading jokes we are to praise our wives. Why do men find it so easy to belittle women publicly, but find it so hard to praise them? The problem is pride. But God resists the proud and so do people. Women are rebelling against the pride of men who are bold to humiliate them but ashamed to praise them. Women’s lib is just a struggle to be free from the legality of that which is no longer a reality.

Will the bride of Christ ever leave Him? Never! Not because of providence, but because of provision. He surrounds her with prayer (Hebrews 7:25). He is committed to her constant cleansing and growth thru the word that she might be strong in spirit and free from bitterness, temporal values, and moral impurity. She continues to be very special to Him and is the focus of his affections.
Husbands become complacent, thinking that the marriage certificate will hold them together until death. However, she was drawn to you by cords of love, and if your love becomes slack she will drift away from you.

Christ will never lose his bride, the church, not because it is impossible, but because it is unthinkable. Who would ever want to be free from such tender loving care!

Listen to “Confessions of a Happy Wife” (Song of Solomon 1:12-14)